So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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