Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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