I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
