Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
