She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
he fucked my hip out of place.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
