I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
