im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize