I just cut my nipple shaving
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
