Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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