i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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