You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
