there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
