I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize