Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
