My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
