my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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