So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
