You smell like stripper and shame
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
