I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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