I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
