You just made me feel so damn special
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
