She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
