areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
