No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
