I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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