Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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