The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
