We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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