I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I'm getting married
To pizza
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
