i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
