Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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