We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
