And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I smell stomach acid.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize