And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
