is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
