I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
