Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
