went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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