I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
