I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
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