I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
