True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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