I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
