i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
