this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
