and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
ok first of all what the fuck
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
