The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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