i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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