also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
