I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Randomize
