you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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