THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
40s are totally the cure
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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