Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
