i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
