my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
