he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
