You just made me feel so damn special
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
