For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
