At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
