I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
