once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
