I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize