He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
