We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
