My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize