I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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