didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
