if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
