giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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