Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
