he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
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