Can i not drive my cunt home
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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