I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
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